Unlunchable.

That sounds like tomfoolery, huh? Well, get this - it's real. Yes. Unlunchable is a very real term (that I have made up). What does it mean? The term unlunchable is used to describe a person who people avoid sharing meals with. You know, that guy who's always asking you to grab dinner with him? That guy is annoying, right? He has no sense of pride. What's wrong with him? ... and who is this guy anyway?

It's me. I am that guy. I am unlunchable. Want proof? I'll give you proof. I called 16 people tonight, trying to find someone to break bread with. Not a single one consented. Some didn't even bother to answer, which some Americans would call treason. There you have it. I, Christopher Brent Lane, am unlunchable.

So, what can you do? Answer your phone. Eat with me. I don't have a meal plan and don't cook in my room. I eat alone a lot, mostly at Panera, Chipotle, Noodles & Co., and Qdoba. So, why don't you do me a favor and try to change my condition. I don't want to be unlunchable. Help me, please (before I die as a lonely, starving young man).