On Tuesday and Friday nights, I turn into SuperDad.
My wife puts on her scrubs, grabs her stethoscope, and heads off to take care of Baltimore's bruised and battered. Meanwhile, I don my cape (which is spit-up-proof, poop-resistant, and endlessly tear-absorbent) and take over as Primary Caregiver for a 3-month-old baby girl who is nearly always a delight.
Except, of course, on Daddy nights.
Most of these nights begin with a smiling little girl who so cordially allows Daddy to fix a plate of food for his dinner. As I sit down to eat and relax, the nightmare begins. What ensues can only be described as a mix of Saw 5, Home Alone, and Sharknado. I'm basically driven insane.
Which is why I'm really not SuperDad. I'm not nearly tough enough or selfless enough. If I was SuperDad, I wouldn't admit that there are 7 things I'd prefer over quality time with a flailing, squawking little mini-me. Alright - on to the listicle. These are my confessions.
7 Things Better Than Hanging Out
With A Screaming Baby
1. Taking your daughter to a Taylor Swift concert.
One of my greatest fears these days is that by the time my daughter is old enough to appreciate Taylor, the American musical genius won't be popular anymore. I mean, sooner or later, Taylor is going to settle down. And it's kind of awkward when you're married with kids and you're singing about your ex-boyfriends and how you're never ever ever ever getting back together. Keep it together, TSwizzle, for my and Eliza's sake.
2. Proving your self-worth by beating a team of 12-year-olds at lasertag.
True story: happened over Christmas with some buddies from church. When the fog of war lifted, we realized we were sniping toddlers.
3. Camping out for a year's worth of free Chick-fil-A.
Been there, done that, got the coupons. But that's a story for another day.
4. Hoarding all the sheep and demanding all the ore.
I've just revealed my secret strategy to maintaining a 12-game winning streak in Settlers of Catan.
5. Outdoor grillin' - when summer comes.
Only because I saw Kyle Steed share his doodle the other day. And we recently bought a grill for our newly-acquired patio. He's a talented artist and a brother in Christ.
6. fending off dysentery on the oregon trail.
7. Tracking a musical pony all around the world. I mean, geocaching.
I enjoy geocaching. Yes - I am a geek. But it's a great way to explore the outdoors when traveling. A few years back, I placed a neighing horse figurine in a cache while visiting Florida. It has managed to travel all the way to Germany. Here is my Neighing Nag cruising on the autobahn!
In summary, I love being a Dad.
It just drives you a little crazy sometimes. But how can you not fall in love with this sweet little face?